The Book of Rubbish Voices


We (the children) have accumulated rather a lot in the last 12 months, which of course is a very good thing.

However, there’s a feature of our modern interactive times that seems to go beyond the Pop-up Book of Dinosaurs from one’s youth.

Half the books the children have come with buttons down the right-hand side.

Noise making buttons.

Annoying noise making buttons.

Some are actually quite good and seem to genuinely engage C & M with their interesting and life-like audio.

Others on the other hand really need to up their game.

Take Noisy Jungle for instance.

Now i know production costs are often tight in the publishing industry. But please, surely there is a limit to how low you can go.

Apparently not.

Take these beauties. Recored by my own hand with my phone. All from Noisy Jungle.

Now the Elephant is pretty standard

Elephant (click to listen)

Not much wrong with that.

But now it gets interesting (read rubbish)

Parrot (click to listen)

That is not a parrot. And you don’t need to be Bill bloody Oddie to work that out. “So Charlie and Mathilda, what sound does a pissed old hag make?”


Next is my personal favourite. I can imagine the VO artist (office junior) prancing around the studio ‘getting into character’ for this one. I wonder how many takes they had.

Monkey (click to listen)

That’s no monkey.

And finally, at the end of the recording session, some tired producers we looking at each other asking what does a crocodile actually sound like. Looking for props, etc…

Croc (click to listen)

That is the noise of a stapler, not a crocodile.

The BBC Radiophonic Workshop this is not.

The Young and the Senseless

So, the other day i was looking for something for the blog, and on entering Charlie and Mathilda into Google i was presented with loads of hits.

Unusual as last time i did a similar search there we very few.

Anyway, it transpires that my children have some namesakes.

Namesakes in the form of fictional . . . → Read More: The Young and the Senseless

Safe Ts First

Have you got any idea how hard it is to find a decent Slayer t-shirt that fits a one year old?

I’m still looking.

But in the mean time i thought it would only be fitting to get my children some bad-ass threads for their first birthday.

Raising Hell

Lemmie a fiver

The . . . → Read More: Safe Ts First


Bad Mummy.

Well, not really. Obviously we are well aware of Charlie’s milk protein intolerance but we’ve been told time and time again by the people in-the-know that he’ll grow out of it. After all, Mathilda seems to have.

So every now and then we have a little test.


And then, five minutes . . . → Read More: Blotchy

Peas in a Pod

One of the many, many good things about having ‘one of each’ twins is that you don’t really get tempted to dress them in the same clothes.

Not a fan. After all, they are individuals.

In fact H and I make a point of always referring to them as Charlie and Mathilda, never The Twins.

. . . → Read More: Peas in a Pod

It’s Been Emotional

this time last year this happened.

Well done us for getting through year one.

The Destructors get to grips with their cards and presents

Oh, and welcome to our shiny new website. The other one is dead, so please come here if you want updates on The Horror’s antics.

. . . → Read More: It’s Been Emotional